So nice to know I’m not alone. This means have to be vigilant for signs that they need a break because he won’t worry about it till someone says something. Part of life! Love this. Even when we do get to sleep, we’re still hyper-vigilant, sleeping with our ears tuned for little voices crying out for us in the night! There is some good points. I am tired of the battle between working outside home moms and stay at home moms. I would also suggest as a response to the “why exhausted” question to tell the person to just imagine spending their day been the CEO of a largely creative enterprise with unusual work hours and moody child size workers. Ha, I’ll try to think of my finely tuned receptors as a blessing :). Plus I do not have family to help out since they all live far away. Talk about a vicious cycle! I have two boys 2 &6 that I homeschool and I work full time for a corporation from home. Sorry, for the numerous writing faults in my post. I was a mess, baby girl was a mess and I don’t even know how my husband was dealing with it all…. I have no one to turn too for the advice or positive reinforcement nor a break. I would like to see men take more responsibility in general, I think they are just not taught to be helpful and are taught that once they get married they won’t ever have to do dishes again. It happens on every blog posts that talks about this. My mom is also very tired most of the time ... good bloodwork, good thyroid test, not depressed, GREAT appetite. Even more than the regular day to day hyper-vigilance, the health issues. I stayed at home mostly, as we had no friend or family network nearby, and had my local mothers group for support. Im a very anxious person anyway due to my mum and her mum..(massive OCD the pair of them because of controllibg behabiours by their partners) Its been so difficult trying to explain myself and understanding myself too. But I can say as a woman that just being a woman is very tiring. :). How to stop feeling depressed? After coming home my husband saw how distraught I have been and said, “I think you have it good… You get to spend time with our son and not worry about working. I would give anything to go back and hold him as a baby or 2 yr old again just once. :). Maybe we were lucky that your way fitted our baby, but it worked and I tell it to everyone that wants to know! No intereaction with adults cannot stop the kid from climbing that bookcase for the 100th time. Thank you for this :). The symptoms are reversed to hyperthyroidism such as weight gain, feeling cold and longer menstruations. I arrived at the pool car park to see my husband on his mobile with his back to the children, pacing back & forth as he also enjoyed his time with no responsibility. You hit the nail on the head! Sometimes I doubt the validity of my exhaustion and I’ve wondered if there’s a physical problem wrong with me. We have no idea how bad the other is feeling. Wow, thanks Rachel. I’ve gotten better with both lately however I always have so much to do that I try to get it all done. Great post! It is so nice to know that this exaustion is “normal” and will gradually get better. Next week its back to fullday job and the worries of our own business to keep afloat. And I still think about and worry about my son the whole time. I say all that to tell you this : of the two, staying at home has been harder in every way. You said it perfectly. I’m going to post something completely different here, in the hope that new mums especially read enough comments to find this. This is a great article with the exception being what she just listed above. It is going to be tiresome looking after others as opposed to looking out for only yourself. This is a mom issue, not a stay at home mom issue. Hyper vigilant doesn’t even begin to describe what I am all day long. And he says, “If you are so tired, then go to sleep NOW while the kids are sleeping.” And I try to explain I just need this down time, he doesn’t get it, and only blames me for being so tired the next day (and every day) Sigh! I think others might not see it like this though(well non sahm). I now have a 22 year old son, a 3 year old grandbaby and a 2 1/2 year old daughter. Haha. Yes, there are plenty of jobs that are far away from career, and I often hear the mums say, that their job as a mother is much harder than their paid job. My kitchen is a mess and there is laundry on the floor but I must be doing something right. 4 in 4 years seems to be my limit. Why do one thing if I can do 6 and plan another in my head at the same time? It is a privilege to be a mother and a joy to sacrifice, but the effects do accumulate. Not being a working mom or a SAHM. People are starting to comment on it. Trust me, I deal with way more stress and hyper vigilance caring for my patients than when I’m at home doing house-chores and playing with my 1 year old. My Mom is the only other woman on earth I can trust to “spoil” my kids as much as I want them to be. So, if you want to lie down, don’t fight it. Want a cozy Christmas Eve tradition for the kids? ;-), Just wanted to let you know that there seems to be a minor typo under the headline “Multi-tasking takes its toll”. Sorry, ladies – I know I’ll get a bashing, but, come on – get your act together. There’s always something more we feel like we ... And that is why moms feel so busy, why we’re so damn exhausted all the time. My brain is mush and has bren since my first was born 5 yrs ago. Your post explained how i feel perfectly. I have been tired since my son was born and that was 15 days from being a year ago lol. I know it is cliché but really do not worry about the dishes or the laundry. SO TRUE! I don’t understand the “stay-at-home” mom movement complaining about being so tired when there are women that do what they do AND work! I love him dearly and my granddaughter who I keep every 2 weeks,also. You may feel alone, but in feeling so, you are definitely not alone. Oh Tammy I feel your pain! Read: The Real Reason Moms Never Have Enough Time (Hint: It’s Not Because They Waste It). But maybe that is just the exhaustion talking today. omg! I am a home based worker for a market research firm, even though I have no children, I can relate to the stress of Hyper-vigilance a mom suffers. Hyper-vigilance is defined as an enhanced state of sensory sensitivity accompanied by an exaggerated intensity of behaviors whose purpose is to detect threats. March 22, 2018, 10:10 am, by Staying home is isolating and in my particular situation there are no peers. Ah…. So, it is really tough since last 2 months to engage kids and also manage household activities. Lol i really appreciate your post and hope to read more!! HAHAHA laugh or cry. SAHMs have it hard. What is Volvo’s? Great, well written article by the way! So, I know it can be difficult to get that recovery ‘down’ time. Im not sure of money everymonth as finances are not what it must be so those worries too. As glucose is the staple fuel of the body, it is not utilized properly in patients with type 2 diabetes as the absence of insulin causes the glucose to build up in the body. Login to your account . I’m always tired! But my life has never been better. I just hope I have prepared enough. I really do get what you are saying. Still nursing at 16 months, I work 2 to 3 nights a week if I’m lucky to find a sitter or the energy, and my off days after putting LO to bed I go to school online all night. I managed to do this job and get my kids to school each day, pick them up from school and get them to all the music lessons and events etc. It is usually not worth it for me! Anyways I started following your routine and we just sat in bed and had what I told him was “quiet time.” We sat and read and made a fort and had warm milk. I’m a stay at home dad to two high maintenance kids, and there are no words for the exhaustion that I feel on a daily basis. The good news is that I feel much better (less tired) now two of them are at school! The exhaustion is very real and people seem to forget those with anxiety or depression in which they have a very hard time controlling. Let’s all just stop comparing our lives to duke it out and see who “has it the hardest” and just love on one another. Listen to how hard I have it! He … Thank you for sharing. Chana-i suffered terrible with PTSD ,anxiety, panick attacks after my first. Hear that. But with 4 under 4 there is always someone crying, needing a bottle or the potty, or making noises that make me sit up (out of a dead sleep) and listen closely until I know they are not getting out of bed. Create new account. – Thanks! Ha, the half head braid. Thank you Grandma! I have never been so busy in my life. I wish I had life changing advice about how to not feel tired, but all I know that really works for me is consistent time alone and breaks from the responsibilities of life. Some nights like tonight it’s 1am and I am up to enjoy some peace and quiet. My husband is extremely helpful when he is home and would never make me feel bad about being so tired, but I cant help but feel horrible when he gets home and has to help me with laundry or dinner when I’ve already been home for 3+ hours but I’m just too tired to do anymore. AVOID INBOX FOMO. Sometimes it is even boring. Mine is. Why aren’t men going through this? Hi Rachel, I have 2 littlest of my own, Jameson 5, Audrina 7 & I legally adopted 2 of my siblings who are Madison 16, Samuel 15. I was a stay at home mom of young children, I was a working mom of young children and I am now a working mom of older children. But it’s not something to martyr yourself over if it’s only called stress. Both wonderful girls. We gals need to stick together not tear each other down. Depression induces negative feelings and also has negative effects on the body as it causes a reduction in energy levels, changes in sleep and eating patterns, decreased concentration and overall laziness and worthlessness which keeps you in bed all day. Luckily we live in a walkable neighborhood so I take a few days a week to be car-free! My husband wondered why I wanted another baby (we are expecting #4 and my others are 5 and under). Even when I had stressful projects there or frustrating customers, there were certain things I knew for a fact I could do right and wrong, and no one was throwing a tantrum screaming at me hoping I’d just figure out what might be wrong with them. I loved reading it. It would be like me saying “my back hurts” and someone attacking me saying “your back can’t possibly hurt, because mine hurts! Glad you added that to the comments! He wanted me to be at home. The SAHM doesn’t get that true break. Im a extreme multi tasker because I also have a job that I do from home with 2 small kids. A lot can happen in 5 minutes to help you make it through until the next 5 minutes. I just wanted to let you know that your blog and emails have been a tremendous help to me. It’s maddening. I understand no sleep multitasking and while it wasn’t and isn’t a 9 to 5 job. My husband doesn’t understand the hyper vigilance. Were Kids From The 70’s and 80’s Tougher Than Kids Today? So I know. Last night I had a bit of work to do and I thougt, “I shouldn’t go to bed… it’s finally quiet!” ha! Our house is on the market and has to be perfect and ready to show at all times. He reminded us all to have the same attitude of Christ in the way we interact with one other. So this meant that my husband could do one nighttime feed. I’m making playdates, organizing schedules, and everything else during the day while juggling work. He took them to the local pool & I joined them there later. Build puzzle, read a magazine(not that I own any) but just relax without ‘mommy I want cooldrink’ mommy im going to wee wee now’ mommy sissy took my toys. The last thing I feel like doing at the end of a day is going online or making a phone call. With both kids I went back to work at 3 months. Best decision ever – doting delighted grandmas/aunts/friends’ parents take care of the baby, and I get to have adult conversation and fun projects at work, learning new skills. Why we are ALL tired? Thanks for listening. The Wearys, like most parents, have a very difficult time finding the energy to play with their little Rowdy. Hot Sad are the nearly daily discussions with my musband, I: “Look, this father spends much more time with the kids than you do.” And he: “Look, this mother, she has got more kids than you and she seems to manage it all much better than you.”, and our sadness about getting not much help of the grandparents of the kids. Joined: Sep 8, 2012 Messages: 1,631 Likes Received: 0. Do some dinner, bath, songs, reading and then spend time with my husband. Unless you’ve done both, it’s hard to keep perspective. I think you nailed it. It makes complete sense! Not dragging each other down. I Love this article, I have 4 boys 12,5,4, and 2. On top of that I homeschool……yes I like torture! If you want an article on Workin moms, find one. This is a good explanation for that. Engaging children is not easy. My wife suffers from mental illness I’ve been the more prominent care-giver. I have learned with my older girls that time is so unfair to us “exhausted” Mothers. Thank you for this post and I am looking forward to reading the helpful resources. I finally had a real breakdown and we are working on things now but I am realizing from this article that I was in this hyper vigilant state with my husband. I love these littles with all of my being but I don’t enjoy it all. I always think ‘I could never forget this…” but you do. Just wanted to chime in, as there are many of us with PTSD who are fighting for hope and understanding and healing. Im exhausted, my legs ache, 2 large bags of trash stinks by the door, toys everwhere. I need this perspective right now!!!! My dd was so severely ill as an infant it caused delays in everything else. It’s pretty simple really. I’m with you.. it’s like a sleep that is just under the surface so a slight shifting in bed or a foot hitting the wall is enough to wake you. I’m using the term to draw a parallel to parenting. Inside you’ll find the real reason you’re a tired mom. I currently stay home with my 3 boys – 4 1/2, 3 and 7 months. You need a break and they follow you to the bathroom. A Texas mom is delighting parents on Facebook after nailing why moms of newborns are so tired, in a series of hand-drawn comics. He would get upset if I didn’t finish laundry or there was a dish in the sink. There’s also times where I have to work again after the baby is asleep because there was no time during the day. We are all exhausted because our kids didn’t drink bleach today. Why Is Mom Always So Tired? I think this totally nails it and I was such a carefree person, not afraid of much and not worried too much about even looking after myself that the responsibility and the Hyper-vigilance that comes with being a mum was a total shock to my system! I found my self guilt for thinking that I’m tired but that is the truth..I’m a stay at home mom plus babysitting. I raised my two kids alone while working a full time job that included taking call two nights a week from 11pm to 7am. Thanks Eva for sharing. Hypothyroidism also causes fatigue and muscle weakness. Then be at salon at 8 to have my hair blown so I can at least look like a woman for one day. Maybe the depression is causing the fatigue, or maybe the fatigue is causing the depression—either way, if you are really tired it might be a red flag. I just wanted to thank you for your sample routine. Leslie Andrews I said yes you may and hello to you too. Therefore, even when we are sleeping we are aware. Women were found to notice what had to be done even if they got help doing it in the end. (Currently locked in my bathroom while my 2 kids are constantly beating on the door asking how long I will be) Searching for my peaceful place. I didn’t mean to imply all working moms have breaks, simply that in my work experience it was drastically different (based on my job) than it was at home. Being a mom just takes it to the next level for sure! I spent most of his first year in a fog. Great info! Women are always managing what is happening in their household and what has to be done and that takes a lot of brainpower. Nothing big like buying them stuff but small things like the right sippy cup, letting them pick out their own bedtime stories, kisses at night, etc. Time that is 4 pm I’m already tired but that is the time where the boys with the ten eager attitude are coming home…… By 9pm when everyone is a sleep I’m so ready to go in bed and yet I have my husband looking at me like ” I work all day what have you done” . And that’s why mothers are always so tired! Gloria, that’s EXACTLY what I recommend. Big props to all the Moms out there. This moment you’re dealing with calm and Everyone is doing their best, and it is utterly exhausting! Are you serious? We carry the same burdens as other moms and that grows as your children grow. No matter how organized, efficient and structured you are as a mother and no matter how obedient and well-behaved your children, being a mother to young ones requires focus, concentration and a heightened sense of awareness. That sounds like you have so much on your plate and are working so hard with your kids! “You are tired because none of your children drank bleach today.”. Thank you. My toddler is 16 months and I do agree parenting is difficult ! Baths happened when they were dirty, otherwise a washcloth would do. This, my fellow moms, is why we are tired. But consider the following: -if you aren’t home (ie. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Also have never drunk poison, been kidnapped, set themselves or anything else on fire, and not killed either of our pets. But Lord have mercy I am exhausted!! I just recently found your blog, and I have to say it is one of the best mom blogs I’ve come across. and a good routine you are still focused on the kids. Thanks for noticing that I do try to validate everyone, though I can only write from my own perspective as one who stays home. I have not made my bed. Mothers, whether of young children, older children, stay at home or working all experience the same thing: we put our family first, we juggle and reorganize to make it all work and we get played out. I’ve worked full time and had children, I’ve been a STAHM, and I’ve worked from home with small children…I also worked part time for just a couple hours a week after my husband was home from work for 4 1/2 years. We are ALL tired aren’t we? Physically, mentally and emotionally. I think to myself, you go sister! I can’t wait to dig into my download materials and start learning from your tips. I stopped thinking about those things and just enjoy this stage of pregnancy. Love you all. Such a great way to put it… worry wears you out! Fight-or-flight occurs when someone perceives a threat of danger and experiences physiological symptoms that will help them to fight or flee. We don’t usually recieve financial pay, status or kudos from others. You really have no idea what it’s like for a working mother do you? This is why mothers are so tired all the time. Lol, http://homeschoolingmamacita.blogspot.com/. It’s not a competition girlfriend. I think because I’m very similar to my mother so them being with her is almost like them being with me. Women who are at “that time” of the month are susceptible to anemia as blood is lost during menstruation. Hope you like it! What role does the time some mothers spend on social media (while at home with the kids) have to do with this? I am exhausted in particular by outings. Enjoy those babies every stinky messy one of them. Sending strength (and some energy) to you all as you raise those little big hearts and souls. 9-Year-Old Daughter Finds Amazing Way to Help Mom Avoid Eviction, 15+ Parenting Memes Every Parent Can Relate To, Parents Warned About Cunnning E-Cigarette That’s Infiltrating Schools, Surgeon “MacGyvered” A Makeshift Nebulizer On Plane And Saves Toddler From Asthma Attack, These 30+ kids cutting their own hair will make you cringe. I left my youngest two at home with their father ONCE when my eldest was 13, so I could take her to a coffee shop for the first time. Don’t be surprised if when you are about forty, and finally life is a bit more sane, you start to relax and have heart palpitations. I write about family culture, family rhythms and routines, and boundaries in motherhood and life. The constant highs and lows of motherhood whip us around, chews us up, and spits us out. You totally nailed it. Well, by the time our children are mobile they begin to explore their environments. Of course he’d feed them things he shouldn’t and they’d dress themselves in mismatched colors but they would be happy and the world would keep turning. They fulfill the far more valuable job of nurturing children but are still required to do the dishes. I am weary and sensitive over everything.. then I see their smiling faces and joyful (sometime rough) playing and I relax with a sigh, saying Thank you Lord for my perfect healthy children. We have “mom brain”, and this is a real thing. The truth is, I need to just help myself and continue to pray to my Lord and Savior! and get your tired mom checklist. . Single mom with no family or baby’s dad to help. We are no longer children. If anyone would have told me what my life would look like this today, I would have laughed and told them they were crazy.. I’m going to try to find time to read you blog… I need all the help I can get! Thanks so much for posting this article. I actually like it this way, my time to shine and “look good” will come again, right now I’m just busy with children. So yes, I expect to be tired the rest of my life as well :P. April, I’m with you actually. Kate, as a teacher, you are STILL on hyper-vigilance all day aren’t you? My boys aren’t little anymore… but I definitely remember those days! Okay. Being tired is definitely no fun. Y’all can go check it. Thanks for putting into words the reality of our days being hypervigilant! And also this is the road to burn out i think; i feel for three years i have been in his very state if hyper vidgilence just as you describe and now with a “just turned” three year old ans an 18 minth old i feel burned out physiologically! But since he works from home and is from a traditional culture that has certain expectations … it was so hard… I still had a business but I put it on the back burner and worked more part time, sometimes not at all- and honestly I became even more exhausted from the mental emotional stress of constantly waiting on this person , cooking big meals all day, and revolving my whole life around trying to serve them. Even when they are at school or being looked after by others, in those small moments we get to ourselves you can’t turn that shit off anyway so I just expect to be tired now for the rest of my life. We also have to keep the house from crumbling, hopefully get dinner on the table and send the kids to school and all their after school activities in clean clothing. Multi-tasking and not having enough “me time” really hit home for me. Still, with all these things in place, a busy life and never-ending piles of laundry, stacks of dishes, and food to cook can wear us out. I’m putting together plans ahead of time; plans that I’m not even factored into. As I am typing this my kiddos are in a bedroom playing together and I feel ineed to burst into tears bit i cant even manage that…its so hard to cry. Rachel I so agree. I get blamed for anything broken or damaged because I wasn’t keeping a good enough eye on them. This is simply a fact for MOTHERS in general. I think your article applies to more than just SAHMs. Your practical, honest, and humble writing is a breath of fresh air! Just being a mom. In Philippians 2:3-4 Paul was encouraging believers to treat each other well. Great article. by There is in actuality so much daily work that goes into making sure anyone incapable to care for themselves has some sort of food provided, is dressed, bathed, groomed, just stays alive if there are medical issues, etc…. That constant focus is draining! After Christmas my mom has become very tired. Makes sense! Wonderful article. I feel like you would appreciate this, ever had something like this happen? But I think the point to the article is not that working mom’s aren’t tired but that many people assume because a mom gets to stay home that she has it easy. I try to keep up e house but I’m futile in my efforts as there are two tornados I can’t keep ahead of. I am a supervisor and the job is stressful and tiring. Wearing yoga pants with dirty hair must be SOOOOOOOOOO stressful. In my experience both are difficult and no comparisson should even be made between them. I’m exhausted. Oh Maggie I am so sorry for your loss and you have a good man there! Now I finally understand why I am so tired all the time. Despite cleaning everyday, The house is always a mess and it seems my husband is never pleased and believes I am lazy. You do have a exhausting, difficult job! Fuck You for cheating on me. 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