Walter Filming & Production : Jeff Dunham [trying to fix Achmed's feet after they get twisted around] One more superhero: Batman. Jeff Dunham humans I am velvet the superhero good to see you Melvin. Jeff Dunham Peanut So you did this all for a bunch of virgins? [to Melvin] So José, are you legal? [to Walter] Achmed the Dead Terrorist Peanut So when you died, did you see a white light? D&D Beyond Oh yeah. : : : Apparently, it's a secret known only to the Mexicans. Jeff Dunham Melvin the Superhero Guy Ha! Yeah, I bet to get it in and out you've gotta use a lot of lotion! He has gas. It's gonna be great. : So José, what are you typing? : José Jalapeño Walter has appeared in all four Comedy Central specials. : Walter Yeah, I can look, but I can't touch. : Look at my ass. Yes, you do. I don't think so. [after Walter's experience in Ft. Lauderdale] It says: "Made in China". Are you my virgins? Do you enjoy being in this country? Achmed the Dead Terrorist Jeff Dunham : You mean a W-H-O-R-E. Melvin the Superhero Guy : [laughter, as Peanut tries to get a closer look at Jeff's nostril]. Seamus. I took a shower on Monday. Did you see that? : "IIIIII'MMMMMMM GAY". [after Peanut's joke about Jeff driving a Prius]. And boy does it itch. It cost me $148! Oh my god! Jeff Dunham : Melvin did not appear in The Jeff Dunham Show. : Beep, beep! [to Paige] Does this concern you? The rest of the year, it's "Girls Gone Saggy." That hurts like hell! [to Walter] Peanut : : GREG TRINE is the author of the Melvin Beederman, Superhero books. It's in my other stick. He is sometimes selfish such as when he refused to save people unless George and Harold changed their comic about him in book 7. Aw, screw you, that was funny! : He is a Vietnam War veteran and a former welder, and "doesn't give a damn" about anyone, especially his own wife and certain audience members. [stares at Jeff] : Melvin the Superhero Guy : : : Achmed the Dead Terrorist Peanut Once. : Three times later, she thinks "Ooh, I'm not supposed to crap ever." Peanut Melvin the Superhero Guy I know that every bit of that is for the little guys in the suitcase. : : [explaining how he dealt with his wife after making her angry] : Ah, no. : During the holidays last year, we had to take the Hummer and get a little maintenance done on it. Walter Once a month... she becomes EVIL! Jeff Dunham José Jalapeño Can you leap tall buildings in a single bound? Walter : [Achmed is hoping that the people in the audience are not his virgins, because there are ugly guys in the audience]. Okay! Peanut Everyone in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, looks exactly like me! Walter told me to tell that joke. Jeff Dunham Melvin Beederman was the superhero in charge of Los Angeles. That was a veto. So um, what's it like to die? : Peanut Achmed the Dead Terrorist : Jeff Dunham Melvin the Superhero Guy : 2. Jeff Dunham She's not exactly bad-looking. How are you doing, Walter? : It's good to see you. : I just got my flu shot. He works for *you*! Achmed the Dead Terrorist Achmed the Dead Terrorist Jeff Dunham Yes, she said she acted like an H-O-R-E! : : : [to Walter] Jeff Dunham : What's your theme song? : [to Melvin] : : José Jalapeño Bubba J Peanut I saw a Blue Prius! I didn't do anything. Melvin the Superhero Guy Achmed the Dead Terrorist : : Yes. : But you're all bone. : : Jeff Dunham Walter : You're a sick man! Jeff Dunham Thanks for laughing at that. Peanut Good evening, José. Not really, no. Jeff Dunham Actually, that last one was true. She goes, "Can you see yourself?" What did you do for fun today? Jeff Dunham What did you guys learn from that? Jeff Dunham He can breathe underwater and talk to fish. : Peanut Jeff Dunham Peanut Checkers. Da da da daAHHHHHH! Jeff Dunham You don't let Jews in your bar? Oh, he just got killed. I hope not. Ok. [Jeff puts his hair back on and he laughs a bit]. Jeff Dunham : Jeff Dunham There's a bunch of ugly-ass guys out there! So, you're finished. [referring to the stand] : Walter blue, crossed eyes. Jeff Dunham Kept falling off this frickin' thing, that's what happened. Jeff Dunham I get in the Prius. I'm lactose intolerant. I can see Cartman. Even in the middle of the winter, it's humid as hell and hot as hell! Melvin the Superhero Guy From Jeff Dunham You know what would be funny as hell? Jeff Dunham : Peanut Ah-ha! And what happened? I swear, I grew moss on my ass! : Jeff Dunham He's legal! Walter What a freak! So, Melvin, you can fly and you have x-ray vision. | Aaaaaaaah! Peanut José Jalapeño That's amazing!". : He's already here! Oh, I forgot. : You have a theme song? *That's* not a car! I think it makes you look homeless. Dunham portrays Melvin as unimpressed with other superheroes: When told Superman can leap tall buildings in a single bound, Melvin dismisses him as a "showoff," arguing that he can simply walk around them, observes that Aquaman has the same powers as SpongeBob SquarePants, that the Flash's super speed is derived from methamphetamine, that the Hulk's vaunted ability to get stronger as he gets angrier merely mirrors "every white trash guy on COPS," and makes innuendo about the questionable relationship between Batman and the underage Robin. I know! Oh, do you believe in reincarnation? [about the Blue Prius] And you're a Mexican jalapeño. : Achmed the Dead Terrorist Are you legal? What the f... Now he said "Heff"! Jeff Dunham "Does this I.D. [hopeful] So, Achmed, where did you come from? He making fun of our car! It's the greatest thing *ever*! Come on, Walter, a lot of excitement happens here in Washington D.C. Walter Jeff Dunham Well, Melvin, do you have any powers? : How's that? I am a terrorist. Jeff Dunham Achmed the Dead Terrorist Do you see a white light? Focus! Please do not put me back in the same suitcase! Jeff Dunham ", Jeff Dunham What was what? Are you legal? Jeff Dunham : : Achmed the Dead Terrorist : Thank you. Melvin the Superhero Guy : A bonfire is a dry heat. : What are they? In a weird and twisted kind of way, all five of us onstage have slept with your wife. Jeff Dunham Seventy-two virgins? : : Oh my god, I was standing there on the beach, in the sunshine, having a little iced tea. Not good. : This is a sign that he will never be used again. I'm sorry, José. It says "Dun-HAM." : He scares the crap out of me! Jeff Dunham Walter Jeff Dunham Jeff Dunham : As it rolled into the driveway, I called my kids out, and I said, "Girls, look at our new front yard ornament!" 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